8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
