If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
