I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
