How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
