just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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