He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
