She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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