i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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