theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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