Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
