Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
