i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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