Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
