So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
