I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
