does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
