Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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