listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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