Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
