11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
