You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
