i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Randomize
