He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
