I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
