its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
