You made me cry and you don't even care
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you win again, gameday.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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