I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
