I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
