so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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