If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I fill condoms, not promises.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
