Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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