so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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