i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
