I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
