its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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