My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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