Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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