she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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