we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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