doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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