i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
