we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
