Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
