He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Randomize
