what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
