he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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