Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
