There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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