textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
