And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
