I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
