i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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