I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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