walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
