So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
