I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
