Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
